What is the Goal of IFS Therapy?
IFS Therapy works like many other therapies you’ve done. The process in which it’s done, however, is very different from what most people are used to. Most therapies work with thoughts, feelings, and/or unhealthy actions. IFS Therapy chooses to focus on “Parts” of you that act, think, and feel in these ways. For example, you are worried about work or school, a part of them may think “I can’t do this”, feel anxious, and make you start tapping your foot. This is clear different for everyone, but the general premise is that a part manifests in you to accomplish a task, goal, or prevent something painful from happening.
Find, Focus, and Flesh Out a Part
IFS Therapy’s intention is to bring out qualities of intentional acting and mindfulness. To do this, the therapist and client work to figure out what parts are acting through you. Your first session tends to be more of an exploration of the system, rather than trying to undo all of its burdens. Working within your system is slow and steady progress. If you make too many changes too quickly the system will freak out and even lash out. I usually recommend creative activities to get to know parts in between sessions. In the following session, you may start to experience the rest of the IFS therapy interventions.
Find Out How You Feel Towards The Part
This is where IFS Therapy work differs from other therapies. Oftentimes parts don’t like other parts. They usually react by saying “I don’t like that part” or “I wish it went away”. We recognize this within ourselves by saying “I hate that I do that” or resentments from things that have happened in the past. These parts are valuable and welcome to be present, but often get in the way when trying to help other parts. The therapist usually ask these parts to give you and the part you are focused on some space
The question “How do you feel towards this part?” is not a normal question. To help parts heal, there needs to be a space of openness, welcoming, calmness, compassion towards the part, and confidence to move forward. Therapists ask this question to sort between the compassionate and welcoming Self and a Part, which holds, anger, resentment, pity, or other unhelpful emotions
Make Friends with the Part
This is one of the best things about IFS therapy, in my opinion. The goal of this intervention is simply to be present with your parts. Given the love, compassion, and attention each one of them deserves. It’s taking acceptance therapy to another level. It’s important that the part is finally heard and feels safe. Some sessions are spent simply building a relationship with the part, so you can move on to the final step.
Finding out its Fear and Function
The last part of how IFS therapy works are determining what the part’s job is and what it’s afraid of. This is where you get to hear the story of the Part, the pain it holds, and how hard it has been working to keep you safe. This is why its so important to make friends with your parts. They need to trust you before they share information and even change their job. They need to know it is safe to do so. This is usually the most challenging part and takes some time and reassurance.
How IFS Therapy Woks: Changing the Job
This is where it all comes together. Once you find out the job of a part and what it’s afraid of happening, you are able to provide it the assurance that you are here to handle it. Whatever the fear is, you are now present with all the qualities of the self to move forward in your life. When a part finally trusts you to do this, it is going to want to release the burden, find a new job, or choose not to work anymore. Trust your part to tell you how it wants to move forward in its new or non-existent role. From there, the process starts all over again with a newly aligned system until enough burdens are released.